Most moms dread having “the talk” with their little boys. They dread the day when their little boy isn’t so little anymore. Well, although I’m sure I will, when the day comes, dread that talk as well. The talk that I dread most, though, is one that seems to be creeping up on me. It’s the talk where I have to tell this beautiful, blonde-hair and blued-eyed, boy, that he’s not like other kids his age. The talk where I have to tell him the reason behind his numerous therapy appointments. The talk where I have to tell my baby that he has a disability that will stay with him forever. The talk where I tell him he has autism.
He’s been starting to ask questions like, “Why do I have so many therapy days?” Or he’s saying things like,2 “I’m different/weird.” It’s so hard as a mother to see the kids not want to play with him, or the fact that he only has one friend. I know the conversation is fast approaching, and my heart breaks just thinking about it. The struggles I face in being an autism mama, are nothing compared to what my sweet baby will struggle with his whole life.
My husband and I started watching Parenthood on Netflix. In it, one of the main characters has a son who has Autism, similar to what our little boy was diagnosed with. It feels as if we are watching our life on the TV. We are laughing and crying and just holding each other because we get it. Well, there happened to be an episode where they were struggling with telling their son. The advice they got was to practice before actually having the conversation.
So here goes nothing.
My dearest son,
You are an incredible boy, with amazing skills. Your ability to memorize every fact there is to know about dinosaurs, is just one of the many things I love about you. The fact that you tell it how it is no matter what, is something to admire, when so many adults aren’t able to do that. I love that you can dance wherever you are. I love how inquisitive you are. There is nothing in this world that can ever change how I feel about you. You will always, to me, be perfect.
However, there is something about you that you need to know. It’s the reason you are so unique and special. My sweet boy, you have Aspergers, or what is now called autism. It is something you will have for the rest of your life. Nobody knows why you have it, or what causes it, just that you have it and it’s something we have to all learn to live with.
Your autism is why being in an over crowded place makes you nervous, and you act out in frustration. It’s why you have a hard time calming down, and even why you have a hard time recognizing emotions. It’s why social interactions don’t come easy for you, like eye contact and conversations. It’s why you sometimes say those funny things you say, or decide to start spinning around in the living room. It’s why you head-butt when you are over excited. It’s the reason why you are able to memorize everything about dinosaurs. Your brain processes information in a different way than other people.
So you are right, you are different, and you will always be this way. You will always have to work harder than other kids to remember how to interact with kids. You will have to work harder to control your anger and frustration. You will have to work harder doing your everyday routines.
I promise you though, we will be by your side the entire time. We will do this together, and you will never have to be alone. We will be here to calm you down when the zoo becomes too much for you. We will be here to answer all your questions. We will be there for all your therapies, and help you learn to manage and cope with autism. We are in this together.
You ARE different, but you are NOT less!!
My husband has autism and it can be REALLY hard… But we make it work through insanely good communication. I am blessed that he is very high functioning and brilliant, thus he is able to communicate exactly what’s going on in his NON EMOTIONAL brain! ha!
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You have no idea how much this comment means to me!! Thank you!
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I LOVE THIS POST! I am a teacher and have taught a few kids with autism. I just love the letter to your son. Thanks for sharing!
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You radiate such love and tenderness to your children. You and your husband have educated yourselves and your son will greatly benefit from having two wonderfully supportive and educated parents when you all choose to talk with him.
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I teared up reading this! My son is farther away from this talk, but it will come one day. He is 4.5 and still mostly scripts to fit the situation he’s trying communicate in. Through his diagnosis, I’ve learned I’m autistic too, as are many undiagnosed people in my family.
We are very blessed to have a good circle of friends who love and play with him even though he still doesn’t talk to them. Thank you for writing about BOTH the gifts and challenges that come with being autistic, because there are just not enough parents who can see the gifts ❤️
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What a sweet post! I hope when the time comes you have it in you to share just what you have written and I hope everything goes over well.
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He might be different but he can do anything. Keep both your chins up. My cousin has Aspergers and just graduated pre-law. He enters law school in the fall
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This is beautiful! I have a brother with Aspergers and his mind is amazing to me!
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Yes their minds are just beautiful and amazing
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Wow, I absolutely love your note to your little boy! He is so lucky to have such supporting and loving parents. Good luck mama ❤️
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Thank you for your kind words.
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My son has a severe-profound speech delay. We have been talking about his delay since he was diagnosed. He knows that he has to work harder to learn to speak, but, since speech delays run in my family, he also knows that he is not alone in his difficulty. Autism is also not uncommon, so I hope your little guy also realizes that he is not alone, that autism is part of the human experience.
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Our 2 year old has autism as well as a speech delay. Thank you for the encouragement
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Oh bless this is such a lovely post, I can’t even start to imagine what it is like for you all. So I am sending you all love and hugs.
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Thank you for your kind words.
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This was lovely of you to share! While it isn’t something effecting my direct life, I have many friends with kids who have autism. It is hard work, but a lot of love.
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Thank you! Lots and lots of love for sure.
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I adore this post and the letter you wrote to your son, just as I’m sure he will treasure it one day. I had a student with severe autism and to this day he is the one student I make it a point to see each summer and talk with during the year. He made such an impact on me and the way I see thing. I can only imagine the impact your little boy will have on the people.
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Thank you so much for kind words. He is truly an amazing boy and I love his view of the world.
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Oh mama I am tearful reading this. How hard this must be for you to have this conversation with your son. He is a beautiful boy and I’m sure it will be hard for him to hear that he is different from his peers but with your support he will take on these challenges with a smile!
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Thank you for your encouraging words 🙂
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I love your letter. I can relate. My son has autism. I always tell him he was made this way for a reason. He can see the world in a different way. I love hearing how he thinks!
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Absolutely agree
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I can not even begin to imagine how much you dread telling him but this letter has me in tears. what a sweet boy
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Thank you so much!
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True! Different but not less. This is such a sweet post. Loved reading about your lovely kid.
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Such a tearful read indeed. You are a fab mom and are doing a fantastic job.kudos.
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Beautiful letter – He will appreciate this one day. 🙂
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This is such a heartfelt post, I felt so much love you have for your son with the letter that you wrote. You are right, he is different but that doesn’t make him less of a person.
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I love the letter. Different is what we should all strive to be anyway!
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The letter you wrote is amazing! I feel where you are mama! I was once there. It is never easy, but just remind him he can do anything!
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Wow what a beautiful letter you wrote to your son. I have a 30 yr old brother and come to think of it I dont think she ever told him he was autistic, he isnt on the spectrum he just is so I dont think he understands he is different anyways which is beautiful he is just him. If anything we are the off balanced ones and he is the normal one in his world.
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I was crying while reading. We mother really loves unconditionally. And yes i agree, despite being different they’re indeed not less of a person. They’re blessed!
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I got quite emotional while reading this heartfelt words. thank you for sharing your beautiful thoughts and insights
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Wow. Such a touching post. In my elementary school, they would bully the kids in “special-ed.” I felt like I was the only one who care and stood up for them. Everyone is human and everyone has feelings. Thanks for sharing! A beautiful post indeed. 🙂
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Oh what a beautiful love! I literally cried reading your letter to your son as you let him know how truly special he is.
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I can only imagine how you are feeling. I imagined myself in your shoes and thought how I would daily with my worry. Im not sure I would handle it as well as you. Good job mumma 🙂
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I have a cousin has autism and he is doing great! Best wishes to your boy. I’m sure he will be fine because he has a loving and supportive family.
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Thank you for your encouragement!
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I love the letter here. I am sure autism can be so difficult but you are speaking into his life in so many amazing ways. He will definitely appreciate this in the long run.
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Thank you so much.
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This is so nice. You are doing great job. Thanks for sharing this post.
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Your son has the best advocate and loving mother he could possibly have. I can’t imagine how much is on your shoulders but it sounds like you are a strong momma and your son is lucky to have you
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Thank you so much for the kind words
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This is such sweet great post. I salute every parents and families with special kids like you have. You are the most patient and loving people ever.
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Awww thank you for your kind words.
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I love this post. I agree with you: your son is different but he is not less. I also have a special need daughter. I was bleeding in my third month of my third daughter pregnancy. She have been learning slower than her sisters. She get an acupuncture therapy and the speech therapy. I don’t want to give up my hope that she will be an independent woman in the future.
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